i'm sick of school. i can't wait to graduate but i don't want to do the work between now and may. thinking about my thesis almost gives me panic attacks.

i know that i have problems. i wonder sometimes how real these problems are, how they compare to other peoples' problems.

i know that my body hurts most of the time. at the same time, i want to exercise to try to ease these pains but i am terrified that exercising will only increase the pain.

i wonder where drew is and why he doesn't answer my emails or calls. where are you?

i wonder if i should move to suffolk after graduation to save money and work Gambler and try to do something with him, finally. but, that has implications for uriah. and i'd miss erin. there's no one for me in suffolk. except meghan. i love meghan. and gillette.

when i was little i wanted to marry gillette (my cousin). when everyone else was mean to me at the beach he defended me. whenever i think of him, he is wearing sunglasses.

i miss aunie. i miss drew. i miss courtney. oddly.